Friday, 20 July 2012

On strike..

So, if you actually have been keeping up with my little updates you have probably realised that there really hasn't been much going on lately... its been just about 3 whole weeks since my 3d ultrasound... That's a long time in pregnancy- baby has gone from the size of a mango to a cauliflower and grown almost a pound... I have  upped a pant size, had 3 emotional hormone induced outbursts, gained 6 pounds, traded in the bikini for a tankini, discovered a mysterious grunt that comes out with random position changes, and have become accustomed to random rib shots. All in all, lots has been happening- none of which I have had the urge to write about... ( or the urge has been quick and fleeting- promptly replaced by an internal procrastination line or a nap).

Actually- I have a confession... I have been on babyland strike.
After all the wonderful excitement from the 3d ultrasound, and making my "online diary" a little more public ( via facebook) in all of my excitement and wanting to "share my babe with the world"... I froze.  All at the same time, I immediately regretted my brave post linking all of my friends and family to my random baby babble and belly shots... and I went through a bit of anxiety about how real all of this is becoming. 
I mean- now I have seen my "daughter", made out some tiny little features, and now I am starting to really see some belly growing! Its getting closer.... and I all of a sudden I felt even more unprepared.
The nursery remained bare. The baby has no official name. I haven't read enough of my pregnancy or parenting books. I haven't started looking for baby items yet. Maybe I should be more excited? Oh no!..... what am I doing?!............................
 I couldn't weigh in on any conversations of items I needed to acquire when asked by generous friends and family mainly because I really have no idea exactly what I even needed.
I knew a crib, changing table and car seat were all required items.... but in the crazy world of bouncers and jumpers, and walkers, and the million types of strollers,maternity clothes,  diapers, and bassinets?, and bath things and baby doo-dings.... my head was spinning.
So I opted for the easiest option..... boycotted the pregnancy/baby world until the spinning stopped.
No, that doesn't mean I acted like I wasn't pregnant and opted for the wine and sushi.
It means I pushed aside thinking of baby names, searching for baby room decor, reading pregnancy magazines, blogging about prego things and basically just took a break.
It was the best thing I could have done- because all of the negative feelings, fears, and anxiety about mommy-hood have seemed to take a hike for a while as well as any self-consciousness about writing down my feelings ( hahah.... I guess that is fairly obvious).
Rob and I took a little weekend vacation to relax and getaway... and although it was different that an adventure we would normally plan... it was just enough to hit the reset button.

Hey- a  girls gotta go at her own pace.... and I promised myself I wouldn't just write on this "to make a blog entry", but when writing things down was helpful and I actually had something to get out of my head and share.

Oh-that- and I really needed to finish  "50 shades of grey"... haha....

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