Thursday, 1 November 2012

A Halloween to Remember

It was a dark and stormy Halloween night....
When the most beautiful little miracle came crashing into our world, barrels of thunder rolling in behind her.
She had finally arrived.

I'm not sure if this will end this blog- however it is definetly the end to a wonderful pregnancy and the starting of a new life. It actually- to my surprise -doesn't feel like "my old" life has ended anymore- but that it just got better... And soooo full of love

First I'll apologize if this seems a little broken, I've been writing little pieces here and there when I get a chance.. Mostly falling asleep, or getting distracted by new mom duties everytime I try to write... But here it goes...

Monday, October 29th started out just like a regular day. Like any overdue pregnant women- I was booked in for my 41 weeks fetal assessment appointment, basically to ensure my little one was healthy and that we had a plan to schedule induction should things not progress naturally on their own.
To our delight, everything with baby appeared healthy and normal... She was just a little too comfortable and taking her time coming out.
Induction was being booked for later in the week and I was having a small meltdown to Rob over my anxiety and disappointment ( of induction) as we waited to meet with the obgyn on call.
She arrived, chatted with us about what to expect did her exam. Since I was also so anxious about induction- she offered one other option to "try"before sending me home. A membrane sweep ( basically just "roughs things up" down there- separating your amniotic sac from the cervix- in efforts to stimulate hormones which can stimulate labor) .
I believe her selling line was- it has about a 25% chance of doing something- those who don't like pain opt out ( it's a "little" uncomfortable), and those who don't want induction opt in to give it a try. Sold. Surely it couldn't hurt as much as labor/ delivery .. And that was right around the corner, so might as well toughen up and give it a try!
10 seconds later, she was finished, and we were off... With strict instructions to go home and do what brought us here in the first place ;) .... Of course we had to listen to doctors advice ( hmm, to make this parent appropriate....)
... Like I said- we enjoyed a wonderful date night night - complete with dinner, dog sitters, and a nice big hotel room suite- complete with jacuzzi tub and a few other secret weapons. Needless to say- about an hour after heading to bed for the night- we were soon headed for our first adventure to labour and delivery - with regular contractions!

But as many first time moms experience- things were not progressing very quickly, although the contractions were still quite regular. ( what the heck-I have to go home like this? )... And we were told it could last for days- and the "cramping"/ contractions were likely from the membrane sweep. I kept to myself that we had basically repeated the procedure a few hours earlier, haha. Sorry Dad.
Anyways, to make a long labor story short- I was on my way back to the hospital later that next afternoon, as my mother forbid me to stay home any longer once my contractions were about 4 minutes apart...

From the time I was wheeled upstairs, until the birth of our little girl... I couldn't have asked for a better labor. I had amazing nurses and doctors, who gave me their undivided attention, kept me informed of my options at all times, and did their best to allow me to have the birth experience I wanted (the less interventions the better).
Since I was the only patient in labor and delivery that stormy night, I was treated to 2 birthing suites. It was wonderful. One room was completely set up to get me in "the zone"... Focused and relaxed all at once... A dimly lit tub room, with a mellowed out playlist on a nearby laptop ( thanks sis), birthing ball and even a hoop. I'm sure I must have spent almost 6hrs straight in the tub, and would definetly recommend it to any laboring mom!
I also was fortunate enough to have the 2 best labor coaches by my side. Attentive and understanding, and extremely encouraging; My mom & Robby...each having a very special role, I'm so thankful for them both. They seemed to know just what to say, ( or not say), rubbed my back or swayed with me, timed my contractions for hours, and didnt get offended when i needed immediate isolation from touch and talking during each contraction.
And during those last few moments of pushing- just hearing their voices and seeing their faces, was the comfort I needed at the time.
I always knew my mother would be someone I took look to for support during that time, after all she did do it a few times herself. I wasn't quite sure how Rob would handle it ( especially since we had joked of all the unfortunate scenarios for months--- fainting, puking, being grossed out, ect)... Wow- was I ever surprised at his all-star performance - what every person hopes their partner is like in the delivery room. That night I fell even more in love with him- and i think we both got to see a new side to each other. (Mush mush mush... Sorry.. The whole thing was a little intense. Scratch that - THE most intense moments of my life without a doubt).

Continuing on... Haha... If you don't want any more details than just skip this paragraph... Basically, after my water was broke, things progressed quickly ( in my mind- although it was possibly hours?), the contractions got stronger and much closer together, and it became clear that she was well on her way. Before I knew it- the nurses were prepping my " other room" ( the one being used for exams and such), testing equipment, turning on bright lights, and prepping for delivery. That would be the moment it became "real" to me...
I opted for some pain medication at about 7-8cm dilated ( quick acting fentanyl ) which didn't seem to do much for the pain/pressure but may have helped take the edge off. That and a little bit of laughing gas in the final moments before and in between pushes... It was just right for me.
I could still feel everything, but it helped me control my breathing and pushing. We had a bit of a scare, when we heard those dreaded words " the cord is around her neck".. ( gulp), but with direction from my doctor, was able to control when, where and how to push so that they could do the interventions they needed quickly. Talk about a brief moment of panic ( luckily it was quickly resolved).

And then came the birth of our baby girl. How can I even begin to describe those moments. It's like the biggest adrenaline rush of your life- mixed with an overwhelming feeling of love and happiness- and the sense that you have just accomplished the most important task ever, survived, and created the most beautiful being you have ever seen. But even that description doesn't do it justice. It really does seem like a miracle... A little life created and finally introduced to the world... All because of two people.

She was finally here... It seemed like forever before she cried to me, but I think that's only because it was the only thing I was waiting to hear. There she was, Perfect and healthy and worth every moment on this little journey. She was unbelievably alert- eyes wide open.. And just seemed to be taking it all in. My heart opened in a way I didn't even realize was possible (... And now I understand that parents don't just say those things because they have to... It's really true)... In that moment we became a little family, and I knew I would do my best to give her the best life I could, even with all my new mom jitters... Because that had just became my most important job in this world.

Welcome to this world little miss Oaklee Capri Munro Russell.... We love you sooo much!

Saturday, 27 October 2012

40+6 - The recluse

I have always thought of myself as a pretty open and out there type of person, however these last few weeks I have began to discover a new person inside. The recluse.
I have a new found love at the present moment for privacy, alone time, and reflection. 
I have spent a lot of time thinking and actually enjoying those moments of solitude.
My dogs love it because they seem to be getting extra attention. They cant talk or ask any questions ( other than the ones I imagine n my head).
I have been trying to use this extra time with little miss inside to prepare my body with nightly meditation and relaxing morning and evening soaks in the tub ( lukewarm- not hot ;), lots of walking and the occasional bathroom dance party. Don't judge.

I know that all of my family and friends are beyond excited to meet our little creation and it feels great to know that there is a mountain of support behind us. I just feel that I can't really participate in all of the hype at this very moment.  I need the quiet. 
Yes I'm excited, and yes I know she is coming any day now... Its the beginning of a new and beautiful life- however its also somewhat of the ending of an old one.  This quiet time is serving as an important transition period for me... calmly helping me slip from one role in my own life to another.  I'm a thinker, and not usually a "sayer," about most things.... and I think that maybe now that most of all my physical nesting symptoms have left- my emotional nesting is in high gear.  My "home" is ready... and now I'm just working on wrapping my head around it.  I bet I will really savour the alone time and bonding with her on the outside once she's here.

For some reason- a certain experience I had while working on paediatrics keeps on sticking out in my head- and makes me a little teary and excited when I think about it.  Occasionally ( much to frequently actually), we would get children as patients that were more social admissions... failing to thrive for various reasons- whether it be circumstance, neglect or an undiagnosed medical issue.  One little boy ( close to a year old- but looking and behaving like an infant), always seemed to fall under my care, and as much as I knew I should not form too much of a strong bond with him, after multiple weeks of seeing his sweet face it was impossible not to. I'm sure I loved him, and I definitely loved caring for him and being his nurse. He needed a lot of cuddling and consoling, sometimes it seemed like you were holding him for hours while still trying to care for the rest of the ward.  One night I had him swaddled trying to console him to sleep ( this was still in my days of boycotting having children of my own ever)... there I was walking around the room, rocking and swaying and humming.... when I caught a glimpse of myself in the bedside mirror.  It was such a strange moment with myself.  I stayed in front of the mirror and continued to soothe him to sleep- swaying back and forth... while imagining myself as a mother with my own child... wondering if I looked funny with a baby in my arms. Feeling not so horrible about  maybe bringing a child into the world someday... but feeling love and feeling important to be able to care for this person who needed comfort and protection. I really loved my job at that moment- even though it was such an easy moment- it was one that apparently I will never forget.  I remember feeling so happy inside when he finally fell asleep in my arms, and as I placed him in his heart melted and I think a little part of me changed.  I keep thinking about that moment, and feeling reassured that I will really love being a mother, because surely that feeling has to be intensified times a million when it is a being you carried for 40+ weeks and brought into this world.
I wonder why these moments didn't pop into my head during the early ( terrified) stage of pregnancy...?
Everything in its own time I guess.

Anyways-- now that I am feeling thoroughly mushy again... I have a couple minor confessions to make.

Confession number one: I have been cheating on my blog. Yes- that's correct. I have been cheating on my blog with a journal ( real life- pen and paper journal).  Interesting eh.  Maybe you remember the post I wrote about writing a letter to my "unborn child"? Well, I did that, and then, having the word vomit that I do when I start writing; that letter turned into a fairly regular journal of documented emotions, facts about her parents, life, ect ect.  A bit of turning away from me and speaking directly to her. It sounds silly probably, but it has really helped me prepare to meet her ( especially finding a peaceful place to read it aloud to my belly).  She knows I am ready whenever she decides to make her grand entrance. 

Confession number two:  We had some beautiful maternity pictures done before I left the island ( around 38 weeks).  Some are appropriate for everyone to see and some are a little more private ( as in no pants- private).  I love them, and when I look at them they make me smile.  But I (we) haven't shared them. Is that strange? We will probably frame them and they will be scattered all throughout our house and given to close friends and family, but we are selfishly keeping them to ourselves-- little pieces of personal moments shared between two soon-to-be new parents- embarking on a new stage in a relationship and in life.  I might post a few on here soon- since I seem to post most of my private moments here, but I have had no interest ( even maybe a bit of an uneasy feeling) to post them for all of the facebook world to see.

Confession number 3: This post has been mostly written and not posted for a couple days--- partly due to confession number 1... so please excuse if some dates are messed up, and it seems a little broken.

So now that I have gotten those off my chest- I guess I owe a little bit of an update since I am officially past due. I'm currently 40 weeks and 6 days along. Almost a week overdue- which the doctors ( and many moms with labor stories) have told me is quite normal with a first baby. The first of the week, I will go for another doctors appointment where they will make sure ( with fetal monitoring, ultrasound, ect) that the baby is still healthy, and more than likely book some sort of induction date in case she still the hasn't made an appearance by the end of the week.
This makes me a little sad, because I was hoping not to need an induction ( I'm sure you've heard me rant about not wanting pitocin at some point, and all the controversy that goes with it)..... but in the end-- I have to do what is safest for baby. You know, do the whole-- risks vs benefits-- thing.
They haven't offered to "start me" so far..
.... and I still have faith that she will come on her own before we get to that point.....
........ fingers and toes are crossed.... but I still feel pretty good about it even though we are getting close.
Mother's intuition perhaps?

Tuesday, 23 October 2012

Nursery pictures update

A few updated pictures of the baby's room... Some of the decor might change-- but this is it for now..
A little girly nautical theme going on I guess...

I'm pretty proud because most of the art and decorations are all homemade crafts, repainted fixtures, framed cards ect.... Except for that one old Gustav Klimt picture from my old apartment --which Robby may have hidden on me by the time I get home haha...Its called "the virgin"... But we're going with mermaids for now ( I had it.. And the wall was empty) ;)

We love how the floors turned our too! They are really easy to clean and look great in the room! Thanks again pinterest!

40 weeks

Looks different every time she moves! Which is a lot!

I didn't know I was pregnant

Even though I don't quite feel as anxious as everyone else seems to be at 3 days past their due date... Every night I lay in bed feeling all the different movements, wondering if it's the start of something bigger.

I know it can happen any moment now, but in my mind it still feels so far away.
At night she is really active, and I can see little knees and feet rolling across my stomach. Every so often I even get a little jabbing sensation that feels like a fist might come right through my rear end or somewheres else close (TMI?) ... I'm sure she's just growing and growing and making things a little more cramped- which means those pokes and jabs are a lot stronger-- little one can really pack a punch!
I obviously have absolutely no idea what to expect when labour starts-because with each intensifying kick... I find myself waiting for the next one and wondering...was that the worst pain I ever felt??? Did that feel like my uterus tightening??
Everyone says you just know when it starts...but haven't you ever seen that show " I didn't know I was pregnant"? People have babies in toilets much too often for my liking....
Ok ok... I KNoW I'm pregnant and the chances of that are minimal I'm sure ( although I'd be lying if I said I have never thought about it lately when I am going through my morning.."elimination routine"... and maybe my strange and irrational fears have caused me to check to make sure there is no baby coming a few times here and there...too much info again?)
Hmm... I'm thinking of all sorts of bizarre nursey things...and think I got off track.

It's funny, you can read all the text books and information you want but it still can't fully prepare you for what something will actually feel like.
I will still lay here and analyze all the fetal movements going on inside, weird sensations, and wonder what's going on in my body... Probably right up until that unmistakable ( I hope) moment that everyone warns you about.

Nope--- just another kick...
Wish me luck!

Sunday, 21 October 2012

Lady in waiting

Both of my due dates have arrived ( oh the confusion of having 2 early ultrasounds predicting different dates)... Today is my official due date I suppose... But I feel absolutely no different than I have the last few weeks.
I have been filling my days at my parents house visiting with friends, galavanting around the city ( taking advantage of book stores, Starbucks, and all of the things you need to plan trips away for on the island), attending concerts, walking the dogs, bantering with my mother, reading, sleeping, bathing stretching and trying to practice different types of meditation for labour. It almost feels like a bit of a mini vacation since I am being pretty pampered around here ( not that I wasn't at home... But it's definetly different being " taken care of" by mom).

It's funny... Every morning ( and night)... I feel like I'm preparing for the biggest and most special date ever ( probably because I don't know what else to do).... ( it's kind of like a blind date in a way! )
I have gotten my hair done- my nails done, had a pedicure, been freshly waxed (ouch!) legs are shaved, outfits are picked out, eyebrows tweezed. I'm moisturized, and in make up more than ever before... And every night I make sure that I just need a quick primp should I need to rush out in the middle of the night. It's almost become a superstition... I figure if I don't do it- something unpredictable, embarrassing or horrible would happen. Crazy... I know.
It's really pretty odd behavior I suppose, but I figure that if I can arrive at the hospital looking somewhat put together- then I might feel a little bit better and look a little less like an angry demon when it's all said and done. And I don't want to scare my new baby.
That... And it will be the first time I see Rob in a while ( maybe almost 2 weeks). Haha... I know that he won't care about any of that stuff, and have much more on his mind than if my nails are chipped...
It must be all the extra time I have on my hands.... That and hormones... For the next few weeks I can still blame everything strange that I do on hormones.

Speaking of Rob... I must say... I really miss him a lot. We were used to long distance at the first of our relationship, but not so much now. I greatly overestimated my ability to jump back into that mindstate... And wish I could spend some of these " days in waiting" with him by my side. I think i was so used to seeing him everyday that I forget how much I actually love being around him. They say that time apart is good... And even though the next time we see each other will probably be nerve racking and stressful-- I'll be so relieved and comforted to have him here. I miss those manly fisherman hugs!
..... I may have even contemplated "crying wolf" just to get him away from work and on the mainland. ;) .....
Haha... But now I've " outed myself" and will just have to behave;)

Sunday, 14 October 2012

38 weeks

Finished off the 38 week mark... It doesn't seem like I'm getting much bigger other than in the cheeks ( haha)... But I'm still getting those last few inches according to my checkups.

Bonding with belly

Up early this morning, spending some quality time with my baby girl... Patiently lying in bed, as she shows me all of the new moves she is capable of.

Did you ever realize just how much pregnant girls touch, rub, and caress their tummies. It's like some built in soothing mechanism for both mommy and baby... Connecting you- even if you seem worlds away from each other.

As I'm nearing the end of my pregnancy (only 8 official days until my due date), and with babes making her presence even more obvious with her cramped space in my womb.... I realize that I too, will be one of " those women", that sees a pregnant belly- and states "I miss that".

I finally get it. It's not the big, awkward belly that you miss. It's the feeling of a little life that you and your partner created... Actively present and with you at all times. Unknown but so familiar and perfect before she enters the world.

Often people ask- "what does it feel like?". But it's so unique and incomparable to anything ever felt before, that unless you have experienced it (the squirming and sliding- stretching, rhythmic hiccups and kicking)- its impossible to describe other than.. It feels like your baby.

It's amazing how well you get to know little things about her, even as she unknowingly grows inside you. You begin to notice patterns and what seems to make her calm or active.
You also seem to know just how and when to place your hands on your abdomen, so that you can catch those subtle ( or giant) movements better than anyone.
I feel like even though fathers don't get to experience this on the same level-- as time passes and the pregnancy progresses-- they too seem to create a special "bond" with the belly ( although maybe they won't actually miss it all that much when it's gone)... For us, our baby girl seems to react almost immediately to Robs voice. I think he likes that (I like that). I could be lying awake in bed for an hour reading... But as soon as he starts talking- I know I will be in for some kicks. It seems like he gets great joy in "waking the baby"..

I've learned that she shys away from a firm or aggressive touch, but with a gentle one will be herself. Mommy and daddy seem to have the best hands to feel her move- which makes me feel like she must already know us.
She gets the hiccups if I eat too fast, and every time I eat caesar salad. Fruit and peanut butter turn her into the karate kid.
It seems like hooping ( around my belly, or even just the spinning), quiets her movements down... Maybe even rocks her to sleep.
Its sort of amazing.

I think I can understand why after giving birth, you sometimes hear of women saying they "feel empty" or like something is "missing" when they touch their stomach.
Even though I went 27 years without something there and only 9 months with... It seems like it will be bizarre to stop rubbing my belly and monitoring it daily.
I guess we'll have her on the outside to love... But I still can't quite grasp that concept yet. One baby step at a time--- we're getting it.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012

Letters to myself

Remember when you were a teenager and you thought that by 25 you'd be married, have 2 kids, a job, a house... And well into the adulthood type lifestyle.
I almost forgot that I actually thought that at some point as a young teen ( I had myself pegged as the lifelong adventure seeking traveller since the age of 18 or so).
That was until I found a secret stash of journals and letters written anywhere between the ages of 13 and 17..
While most of my entries have to do with young love, and daily happenings... There were many containing quotes, future dreams, inspirations and insights... It's so interesting to look back and read all of those old feelings captured on paper- see which ones have drastically changed and which ones seemed to stay true to my personality. I'm sure one day I'll look back on all of these posts and think the same thing. It's like a little life journey - documented.
I think I will save all of those journals for my daughter- and let her pawn thought them when she's a teen ( I know- probably getting ahead of myself here)...
One letter tucked away in a diary stuck out and gave me a bit of the chills---
Scratched on a piece of loose leaf- was a letter to my future unborn child...basically saying how excited I was to meet them someday- and how I wanted to be a good mother and other little bits and pieces of how I believed they would be able to anything, what they would be like.. But it was very short piece-y and unfinished -Like someone must have walked in and interrupted the moment- or perhaps I fell asleep. It's not dated.... But I almost think I remember laying on my bed, writing my thoughts down in that horrible green ink. Hmmm...I guess I wasn't always so scared about being a mother :)
It also got me thinking that I really need to finish that letter.
I won't be posting it on here- because it will be meant for one little girls eyes only. But I am in process of writing a new letter to my unborn- but very real baby. I'll tuck it away- and give it to her sometime when she will need it most.
( or maybe re-read it at a time when I'll need to).
It's funny how we get to certain places in our life ... and how a little self reflection once in a while can teach us to appreciate how much we've grown.

Sitting, waiting, ranting

Well half way through 38 weeks, and I have finally planted my roots on "the mainland". This is mainly to avoid any sort of birthing experience that will involve emergency deliveries, plane rides, the entire hospital staff ( aka: my coworkers) in one cramped outpatient room taking turns listening to me scream and poking at my vag.

On thanksgivings, I packed my bags and two dogs and came to my parents house for dinner,knowing that if I was a compliant patient ( which nurses never seem to be), I would just stay until all of the magic happens. I figured that bringing the dogs would give me something to do, and let Rob work without having to worry about them. I also figured that it would be a good time to fit in some visits with friends and " take it easy".
Wow- these last 3 days have literally crawled by... Probably slower than the last month. Saying I've been bored is an understatement! Most of my friends are either working through the week or in school mon- fri, so that leaves my days pretty open for ... Activities which I haven't figured out yet. A pregnant girl can only take two big dogs for so many walks in a day. I suppose I could watch bad daytime tv or read or learn how to knit or something... But none of that really interests me at the moment. I still find myself getting this odd nesting urge to be home and tinker with random things around the house, tidy and organize things, walk the empty beaches, and spend some quality time with my man before the baby comes.
I love my family, but it's hard to be so idle and away from my new home... Especially since no one has the slightest clue when this big event will take place! It could be days or weeks... What's that old saying? A watched pot never boils? Exactly what I'm feeling- and since I'm in no real rush... It's kinda messing with my head! Haha

So... I'm sure that after my next doctors appointment- I will venture back to the island for a visit ( weather permitting) , even if it's just for the day. Staying away is harder than you think!

I guess I'll chat about one more thing, since a lot of people don't quite understand why I can't have my baby at the small hospital on the island.
The truth is- technically I can, and many people have before. However it is defiently not the ideal situation. I find that even many people who live on the island don't fully understand why.
Birthing is a natural process which our body is designed to do and usually does it quite well, and ideally would be wonderful if all we needed was someone to facilitate it all happening smoothly, whether that be a doctor or a midwife or even a nurse specialized in labour and delivery.It' thought of as a happy time... A miracle... And one with a big reward ( a new baby ) at the end.
However, if something starts to go wrong or if mom or baby become distressed and in danger- you need to have access to immediate interventions, possibly an OR, specialized equipment, and staff specializing in that area.
Access- unfortunately- is something that a small rural hospital- especially one in the middle of the ocean- does not have.
When you throw weather into the mix, all you can do is hope that it would cooperate enough to allow for an emergency team to fly on or off the island, that a plane is available , ect, and that there are no other serious emergencies that come through the door putting extra demands on an already small staff....
That's probably all I am allowed to get into since technically I am an employee - so ill stop there I guess.
It just seems to baffle me when people in the community ask me if I will have the baby at " the hospital" or on the mainland. And then I am told stories of this person and that person who gave birth on the island, in an ambulance or a plane and did "just fine"...
... Maybe it's because I've worked a bit in neonatal and heard plenty of stories in hospital of births that did not happen as planned and had the proper resources not been available, would not have had such a happy ending....
Or it could be the hormones.... But I just want to scream when I hear people suggest an island birth.
People have been lucky and blessed that they have had uncomplicated and natural births. Heck- that's what I want too! :) But if someone doesn't happen according to plan.... It will make headlines and be tragic. I sure don't want to take that risk on myself and especially my new baby.
If you were to show up to the regional hospital in labour- you are immediately rushed up to labour and delivery floor- not the emergency department--- for the same reasons. ER is not the ideal place for a birth! So there you have it... My explanation- that sort of might sound like a rant.. All part of living on a beautiful maritime island. And don't get me wrong... It's impossible(and frustrating) to predict when you should leave, I'm just fortunate enough to have my parents house to take over.
I would much rather have that moment of rolling over in bed, nudging Robby, and saying " it's time"! ... And heading to the hospital together in rushed anticipation ( just like in all the movies).

I guess you take what you can get. Hopefully for us- that's good cell phone/ radio reception when he is out fishing- so he can get here in time ;) and use all those labour support skills he's been reading up on ;)
Maybe that's why people tend to lean towards induction. It's a little more predictable. But still not on my list of things to do....

Here's hoping that I don't go into labour on he ferry on my day trip visit... Especially after stating all the reasons why I should stay away!
Like I said- nurses make the worst patients---- hmmm...
Maybe I'll just get Robby to come visit me instead.

Saturday, 6 October 2012

Puppy love

Anyone that knows us- knows that although we don't have children already- we definetly have two "fur babies", that occupy a lot of our time, energy, and couch space. ( I know some people are shaking their heads right now--- sorry they like to couch snuggle too).
Daisy ( the mama) and Banjo ( our clumsy horse like puppy), both look intimidating at first glance...but are like gentle giants once you get to know them. And they are verrrrry loving... Actually--borderline needy attention hoarders. Which has always been sort of cute....but we all might in for a big shock soon. Well.... One of them may know something is up....

Mama Daisy has been acting very strange and seems to have a pretty good idea there is a big change coming.
We often find her in the nursery lying on the floor in front of the crib by herself. That was a room she never seemed to bother with at all up until a few weeks ago, and now it's one she is very partial too. She is usually laying in the doorway whenever I get the urge to put away clothes or ( as you know), get into a midnight nesting fit.
Also, she makes a point to lay her big head on my big belly at every opportunity ( where as before she was content at my feet). And when the baby decides to give a little kick to her chops, she starts in a sniffing frenzy looking for the culprit ( quite comical).
Out and around, she is notably more protective of me. Often creating a little shield in front of me, when her puppies are playing and not watching where they are running.
She stares at me a lot ( wow that makes me sound a little paranoid).... But it just makes me wonder if she is more in tune with things than we think.

I wonder if part of her motherly instinct , is letting her know that I will soon too have a baby and be a mother.
9 months ago when she was having her litter of 11 puppies... I was by her side every step of the way. I used to lay with her for as long as she would tolerate- with my hands on her belly- feeling the constant kicking---- in awe.
And during her "labour and delivery"... I played the role of doggie doula.
And know in some strange way- her acting so wise and intuitive gives me a little bit of comfort. Maybe that's her plan ( after all, animals are much smarter than we think).

Meanwhile- Banjo has no clue. He is more concerned with clumsily trying to function in his quickly growing body which is much to big for him, getting his belly rubbed and treats. He's a little special- a big sook- and used to being the baby.

( at least for he next two weeks)

I think that as silly as it sounds, turning our pets back into pets instead of makeshift children, might be a bit of a challenge. I'm worried that they will feel neglected or not as loved...and it's hard to picture them taking a back seat for a while or forever for that matter.

Hopefully everything works out, and they will be gentle and understanding big brother / big sister pups...
If not--- I'm going to have to pull some strings and try to get Ceasar ( for all you non dog geeks- he's the dog whisperer) to come for a little visit.

Time to take the clan for a walk! Adios!
Sincerely yours,
Crazy dog lady

Tuesday, 2 October 2012

37 weeks

Beautiful birth affirmation...

This is a little something I came across on another blog ( via pinterest) which I thought was really inspirational to someone considering/ hoping for a natural birth experience.

When I read this for the first time I was stunned at how it seemed to capture exactly what I was feeling at this moment in my pregnancy, and felt encouraged for what is about to come.
It might sound a little cheesy- but then again- so am I... So it fits.

Since I'm not very iPad/ computer savvy...I'm sure I haven't credited or presented it in the right way.. But I think i have included the link to the site.
Hope you enjoy-- and thanks "Mama Birth blog"

A pregnancy and birth affirmation:

"My body has the divine ability to grow a perfect child within it.
Without conscious thought it builds an amazing organ, the placenta, to help grow and feed my baby.
My body and my baby tell me what healthy foods they need to function and grow.
I listen to their promptings.
As my baby grows my body changes.
I embrace the roundness,the curves, the fertility that shows the power within.
I welcome the softness of my breasts and abdomen and legs because it shows how perfectly I am preparing to grow and feed this baby.
I take time to slow down, rest, and care for my baby and my body without guilt, knowing that it is for the best.
As I get closer to the time of birth I enjoy the last few weeks and days with the baby inside me.
I love her close presence, her constant reminders she is there and her growth.
As I get heavier I look forward to the moment of birth, recognizing that my body gets less comfortable so that I will embrace what I once feared: labor.
I wait for the baby to grow until it is ready to meet me.
I know that this baby will come when it is ready.
I love being able to give my baby time to grow to her full potential.
I trust her time table.
As labor begins I embrace the next step on my journey to motherhood.
I am not afraid.
I am powerful.
I hear nothing else but my body and my baby as they tell me how to move and dance to make her entry more joyful.
I embrace the sensations.
They are strong, they are work, they are preparing me for motherhood.
I am not afraid.
I am powerful.
I feel my body open to let the baby out.
I feel the baby move down as my body helps her come to our family.
I accept what is overwhelming.
Giving in to my birth makes me more powerful.
I roar my baby out.
What seemed impossible is done.
It is more that perfect.
It is as close as I will get to the divine creative power.
I embrace the slippery, perfect child.
I am a mother."

Sunday, 30 September 2012

Au naturale

So as i sort of blabbled about in the last post... As the weeks close in on me, I have been embracing this last stage of pregnancy.
With most of my aches and pains dissipated ( by some sudden miracle), room ready ( mostly), bag packed, showers and prenatal class behind us, and with a calm and newfound acceptance of what is to come----I am finding myself in a very peaceful place, and in no rush speed up these last 3 weeks.
I am very proud of how well my body is tolerating pregnancy. ( Now I'm not talking about weight gain and body image stuff... I have issues with that like any other normal person would-- and at the same time know its all part of it- and it bugs me less and less) What I'm talking about is my body's innate nature to seem to know exactly what to do to keep it healthy and to make the optimal nest for my little girl to grow in. Whether it be related to diet, healing, comfort or protection... My body has served me well without " me" having to over think things too much.
If I hurt, I stretch in all sorts of positions later to read about the multiple benefits of those particular movements... If I crave something... It seems to be just what my body needs ( aside from the occasional bacon), and same for when I have a food aversion--- probably something I shouldn't eat. My choice of activities (hula hooping for instance) -- seems to have been the perfect circular movement of my hips to help baby get well into my pelvis , where she needs to be.
Which is why I am hoping that it continues to do so, right through labour and delivery.
I have been spending more time lately thinking about the whole birthing process... And I feel that my nursing ears will be perked for all the medical lingo surrounding me- picking out key words and waiting on the reports of the "all important " apgar scores...
I have never really experienced pain.. Other than the odd gymnastics injury as a child, and frankly , have no idea how I will deal with it.

It's interesting, there was a time when I thought that the optimal birth experience would have to be a quick cesarean section. Numbed and leaving all of your lady bits intact just as they were before.

But the more I think about it, I have an increasing urge to try to forgoe as many medical interventions as possible and birth my child into the world as naturally as possible ( of course safety is my first priority... But this is assuming that isn't an issue).
So what is my " birth plan" ?
(Ideally)... I would like to stay home until I am having regular contractions..(which means staying at my mothers which is 20minutes away from the hospital rather than on an island with no labour and delivery support staff).
A little inconvenient- but much safer than risking birthing in an airplane or on a ferry.

I would love to be able to have a water birth ( this is where all my friends that call me a hippy will chuckle). However it is not an option in this province unfortunately. So at least being able to labour in a tub sounds nice. I'm hoping to be able to move around- use the birthing ball- and let gravity help facilitate things.

I'm hoping not to need to be induced with the pitocin drip- because that usually means that next comes the epidural to take care of the monster contractions.
If I get the epidural- then I know I will be confined to bed and unable to use my bodies natural coping methods of movement, swaying motions, gravity and such.
Really- you would never try to have a bowel movement while laying on your back- especially if you knew it was going to be a big one! ( sorry) so it just seems like it wouldn't be optimal position to birth a child.
And then there is that flood of natural hormones that our body so graciously gives us- just when we need it most.

It seems that a women's body just naturally knows how to bring these little miracles into the world, and is better equipt than we give it credit for.

The question is... Can I handle it? Will it really be mind over matter, or will I be that crazy girl in room 3b screaming for the epidural at the top of my lungs?
I sure hope not.
And at the risk of sounding much more granola than health care professional --- I think that being able to bring baby into the world minus all of the drugs and extra recovery those interventions require- just seems like a better option.

So what have been doing to prepare myself?
Lots of pep talks, reading on coping and breathing techniques.... And crossing my fingers that my perineum has some magical elasticity power that I don't know about. Heee..Heee..whoooo!! ( my attempt at breathing).

I came across some really inspirational words the other day in one of my searches that I have been reading a few times a day... Maybe it will help.
I'll post it for you to read shortly.

I must say little babe... You have seemed to get me more in tune with my body ( and mind) more than any yoga or meditation class ever has. I hope you enjoy you last few weeks in your little nest as much as I am :) xox

Home stretch

If I had my baby right now... She would officially be considered full term. That said... I guess that it means that we are on the home stretch, and this whole birth thing is just around the corner.

I have been feeling a lot better these days. My back is functioning like normal and I no longer require assistance in on and off the toilet. I think that that has also helped boost my mood significantly... You know...being able to move freely, sleep, enjoy my days off again.
I'm much less grouchy.
Feeling a little more like myself--- just a chipmunk cheeked version of myself.........

I know it's happening. The chubby cheeks, wider nose, darker freckles ect ect... When I smile- especially in the morning when swelling is at its peak- my cheeks rise sooo high they start to decrease my vision. Why!! Haha...
I guess I can't complain too much, with only 3 weeks left... And should just embrace it? I'm trying, and I know it's all part of it. I should just be greatful that I still have ankles and knuckles and no stretch marks... Yet.... ( fingers crossed)

Last appointment went well. Everything is normal and right on track! The doctor predicted that babe is "long"... And has already started the " great decent" down into my pelvis. In fact- I was surprised when during my exam, the. doctor informed me that she touched the babies head with her finger. Eeek.. Too much information?? Haha.. Sorry... But with weekly visits... The dilation and cervix talk is bound to only get worst.
I almost didn't tell Robby that last bit of information--- I'm sure that puts all sorts of bad visions in his head ( but of course I couldn't keep it to myself )
Now, thinking back... I wish I had have asked her if she felt any hair... Haha...

Again- sorry for the visuals---

The one thing everyone keeps asking me as my due date quickly approaches.
"Are you excited? Are you ready to get that baby out??"

Truthfully... No. But not because I'm not happy. I think I'm just a late bloomer. In fact, I think I'm not ready to have her yet because I do feel happy. It took me a long time to get used to the idea of being pregnant and the fact that I will actually be someone's mother. I feel like I am just starting to really enjoy pregnancy, and really don't want these last few weeks to rush by so I can make up for all of those doubts and confused feelings at the beginning.
The more she kicks and wiggles around, the closer I am feeling to her...

I can't believe it's so close now. It's so surreal.

Thursday, 20 September 2012


It is approximately 3 am, and I think I have awaken with my very first real case of nesting.
I woke after dreaming all night ( the last 4 hrs) of talking to people about the baby, "being ready", and scrambling around to prepare. So when I opened my eyes- I was feeling pretty exhausted.
... And then my brain officially turned on. As I lay in my bed, trying to get back to sleep..I started thinking about packing the hospital bag, and how I needed to do laundry to wash some of the cutesie outfits little bean has received. Tossing and turning a little more, trying to get back to sleep... And it seems I have woken someone inside.
So off to the bathroom, for a late night bladder empty, a quick check for stretch marks, cream application, a few yoga stretches..... And then I find myself down the hall in the baby's room--- frantically going through newborn/ 3 month clothes searching for a perfect outfit.
Next thing I know, I'm looking for accessories and socks and shoes... Ahhh ... Do newborns even need that? Well I will pack some anyways.
I find myself ripping apart my newly received diaper bag for the first time.... Hmm... Now what are all these compartments for... Diapers, I know I can easily pack some diapers.
Going through some more bags and drawers, the next thing I stumble upon in an unopened container of " nipple cream".... Shoot... I haven't started using that either.... Better slop some on now, just to be safe.
Oh dear... Look at all of these decorations and fixtures I have yet to put up... Soon enough I am walking around the room, pacing and testing placement of pictures ect.
Since it is 3 am, and my brain is working in a less than semi-functional mode... I decide to stop... Sit on the floor and just start folding receiving blankets to sooth my anxious mind... Unaware of how bizarre my actions are. Until--- I'm busted!
First it's by the dog, whom is now giving me the same puzzled look I gave her when she was hastily pawing up blankets in the days leading up to the birth of her puppies.
And then I see Rob standing in the doorway- staring at me all squinty eyed- to which I replied in a half embarrassed voice, a simple--- " can't sleep, haha"
I hadn't actually gotten any further in packing a hospital bag then when I waltzed into the room 45 minutes ago.
Just kind of made a little organized mess.
So I grabbed my pregnancy wedge pillow, (hmm, which might be why I walked into the room in the first place) decided to save this task for daylight hours and made my way back towards my bed.
( of course- stopping to write this short and probably poorly written post)

So I guess this is a little bit of the nesting feeling kicking in.

Scared silly soon to be new mom = 0
Motherly instinct= 1

Time for some more interrupted sleep- night night!

Tuesday, 18 September 2012

Belly shots

33 weeks & 34 weeks

Seems to be changing quickly now and rounding out! Week 35 soon to come :)

Karma police

Story time!
Well I have been feeling pretty fantastic ( besides round and such),and was just getting ready to brag about it in a post ... And then I ran into "karma"....
Remember that extra set I grew since being pregnant... Well I put them to good use... And then karma bit me in the butt ( back).. For being a meany.

It was a lovely september day. Sunny, just warm enough for a soon to be mom to frolic around in a Tie dye sundress. Barefoot, toes in the sand, connecting with nature... Breathing in the ocean air, listening to the waves.... On a completely empty beach- just me and my dogs. Sounds perfect doesn't it?
This blissful afternoon of relaxation and gentle meditation continuing on in this manner for about an hour and a half... Until the pups were played out and my stomach started growling for some dinner.
As I made my way back across the beach, I saw a man watching from a distance and the parking area of the beach... He also had a dog, so instead of making my way up the trail to my parked car, ( the same trail he was likely headed down), I went to the far end of the beach and waited for this other dog & beach lover, to head on their own beach adventure.
Time passed and apparently this man did not seem to get the hint, and remained at the foot of the trail with his giant golden retriever.
I decided it was time to head back anyways... Like the rule breaker I am ( or just plain forgetful and too lazy once I realized).. My leash was in my car.
Once my dogs spotted the other, they rushed over to investigate this new dog on the beach.
Ahhh. A 10 second growling match, followed by purely gentle playing and sniffing. Shoot... I was halfway down the beach and could move about as fast as ... Well... An 8 month waddling pregnant girl in a maxi dress.
But it was too late. By the time I had called my delinquent doggies back to my side I had a very angry and erratic man yelling obsenities at me... Arms flailing around like a lunatic... Unleashed dog of his own running around him.
As I walked by him ( dogs not even giving him or his pooch a second sniff) and apologized, he was still in a angry arm flailing state.
Goodbye happy beach girl. Hello sour prego face.
I scurried up the hill, and preceded to write a note for ( as it turns out- a tourist from far away) this mans windshield. Which started as a apology and quickly pointed out that we both at fault if neither of us were using leashes... And that a grown man need not to scream like a bloody lunatic At another person while visiting "our island"... Blah blah blah....
Then, by the time I was finished, decided that there was no need for all those words, and simply left a one word note under his wiper. Grrrrr.... I was so mad.
Feeling kind of tough and satisfied all at once , I got ready to drive home, and helped my 70 lb puppy onto the back of the truck....
And that is when karma slapped my bitchy butt right to the ground.
All of those loose and stretchy ligaments had finally given out. And there I was sobbing and taking propped up baby steps to the front seat of the truck- hoping that my new man friend did not decide to come up the trail and lend a hand (or flailing arm).
I have often thought about leaving a little note for someone when they have really ticked me off.... But never have I done it. And let me tell you... I will never ever do it again. Karma or no karma - it is just too risky.

Thankfully, I had a strong fisherman at home to help me transition from couch to floor, and on and off the toilet that night ( that brings in a whole other level of comfort--- probably useful for the delivery room)
With some stretching, hot baths, a prenatal massage, visit to the doctor, and a little bit of hooping, and one very attractive stabilization belt.... I am functioning like an obese 89 year old instead of a 104 yr old... And slowly getting better everyday.

I have really gotten use to being active during my pregnancy and refuse to give in to all of the aches and pains and complaining. At just over 35 weeks... I am praying that my back lasts the next 4-5 and I can continue to do all the things that I enjoy... And all of the things I waited to do until I "had time " once I was finished work.

So if you see me waddling around with my sexy sacroiliac maternity back brace, let it be a reminder to think before you act.
And not to pick up large dogs while pregnant- whether you bend your knees or not ;)

Saturday, 15 September 2012

Showers....errr.. friends? :)

Its about time for another post I suppose. I have written a couple since my last, but they were very down and hormoney-- the kind that if my little bean were to read later in life somehow- she may throw it back in my face and tell me I'm horrible. So they are (for now) hidden and just part of this ever evolving process of motherhood.

Today's focus is all on the happy! ( hmmm... pregnancy and bipolar seem to sound like they have alot in common sometimes.... anyways).
I was once again reminded of how much I am surrounded by love and an abundance of generous and supportive friends and family.  Today was my baby shower #2... at my parents home, with some close friends and of course my small little family ( some far away but still sending all sorts of encouraging 
words and goodies for baby).  

It was soooo unbelievably nice to see some familiar faces of close friends and to spend time catching up- talking about how much life has changed for all of us.  Its funny how much even just a few hours with a close friend can rekindle and refresh your soul.  We take for granted the days where we do nothing but hang out with out friends, talk for hours on the phone, and lay around and laugh like fools ( guess I'm having a little moment of reminiscing about the teenage years... bear with me)...Then we get jobs and partners, houses, and children, and priorities and responsibilities... people move away and it takes much more effort to keep those friendships alive.  Although I feel sad lots of the time because I don't see those close friends in my life nearly as much as I like-- I feel so blessed that when we do see each other... its like even though all the time has passed ( and we might need to do some catching up on the details), all the love, closeness and caring is still there like no time has even passed at since the days I used to run my parents phone bill through the roof ( and liquor cabinet into the ground).  I really like my friends. They're pretty great. 
Since this is turning into a little friend rant-- I feel like I need to keep going a little more. Lately I feel like I have heard a lot of people complaining about how many friends you lose when you get pregnant-- the classic saying " You really find out who your friends are..."
I feel like I can say I have had the opposite experience- even though I am living away from all of "friends from home".  When I do come home from the "island", my friends always seem to make an effort to work their prego friend into their schedules, and listen to me in various states of hormonal bliss or rage. I still get long distance "check up " phone calls from friends moved far away, and encouraging little messages just when I seem to be building up anxiety about this upcoming stage of life.  The majority of my close friends at home have already experienced motherhood and lots of its ups and downs--- and are welcoming me to the mommy club with big smiles and lots of pep talks ( even though I was probably that annoying friend begging them to just "find a sitter and come out" at one time).
Life on the island... well let me tell you... for only living there and being around for such a short time- I have blessed with an amazing little circle of supportive friends that I know will be "lifers" to add to the mix. Not once have I felt excluded because of being pregnant... and in fact, I have had a pretty fantastic social life, filled with lots of heart to heart chats, day adventures, hikes, evening outings... and all the help anyone could ever ask for preparing for the baby. Its crazy how quickly some people come into your life... and even though you down have all those years of history behind you---the friendships can be just as close as ones that have. 
Ahh... and family... well I cant even go there right now because this will go on forever. I'm spoiled to have such an amazing immediate and extended family that do anything and everything to make sure that we are taken care of and happy.
Sometimes we just need to take a moment to think about how lucky we are. I guess I just took that moment....

I think I'll finish my thought-interrupted post about baby showers tomorrow morning-- and go to sleep with a smile right now.

...... little baby.... I sure hope you don't get mommy's ADHD

Sunday, 2 September 2012

Sunday snoogles

Well, I'm writing this post from bed...all curled up in my Snoogle.
Since this is my first baby, I'm really not sure how long these things have been around for.... But my god..... They are amazing and absolutely every pregnant person should have one. In fact,I can't imagine giving it up post pregnancy- so it might just be here to stay.
It's hard to say it this brilliant invention was thought up by an expecting mom, who got sick of tossing and turning all night..... Or by a soon to be dad, who got tired of hot and heavy pregnant snuggles / being treated like a giant body pillow.
Either way. Thank you. It has been my sleep time lifeline for the past 2 months. Basically, if you have never seen a Snoogle.. It looks like a full on, extra special body pillow in some weird wrap around shape. It snuggles your belly, legs, head and backside all at once... Pure heaven. Highly recommended.
Anyways, it's Sunday and I'm feeling a little lazy... So back to snoogling I go.... Ahhhhh...

Thursday, 30 August 2012

The Bump

So I'm now realizing that although I have been terrified of getting to be as big as a house since day one, I think I may have been a little disillusioned just as to how big I would actually get and how much my " shape" would actually change.

I shunned maternity clothes and shuttered at the thought of having to spend my hard earned money on " fat pants"... " meh, my yoga pants and flowy tops will be good enough" - and I really believed it . Well they were... For the first 6 months... And then a funny thing happened... I kept growing.
Every night I still feel the same... It CAN'T get any bigger, and every morning I roll out of bed, catch a glimpse... And it did!
I know it's fantastic and means little bean is healthy and growing lots ... But my religious- pee, scale, and shower - routine has gotten to be a little scary as I watch the numbers climb higher and higher.
Apparently, the outside world thinks I am all baby. Hehe. I think they are just being nice. And thats just fine with me. So far I have gained 25lbs. ( wow doesn't that feel weird to type out)... And at 32 weeks along, is perfectly normal! But geeeez... Grow baby grow.

Want to know what all those extra pounds have made me "grow to love"? You guessed it. Those dreaded- Maternity clothes. Haha
Bring on the stretchy tummy panels, special cut-long shirts, bigger bras... Oh and you might as well throw in some breast pads while you're at it.
I've discovered a whole new world at h&m mama! And I must confess, am slightly addicted. Good thing I live on a secluded island with limited opportunity for impulse shopping.

Since I'm on topic of my beach ball of a belly... I've noticed a few things in my day to day life lately ....
- putting on eyeliner at the sink/ eyebrow tweezing... Doesn't work if you actually need to lean in to the mirror
- food that used to fall on the floor when you missed your mouth .. Now ends up directly front and center on the belly. Always beware of crumbs and food dribble
- if you brush up against something wet or dirty anywheres below your belly button... Chances are pretty good that it will be a stranger that informs you since you have no visual of that area anymore.
- regular summer shaving and bikini line maintenance will replace your morning aerobics and yoga all in one .. Be prepared for some huffing and puffing
- strappy sandals and laces are better choices when there your partner or close friend is nearby in case you need assistance. Bending over easily is something you probably take for granted until it feels like you are crushing your lungs and .... Oh I don't know.., say.. A baby?!
- awkward intimate moments. Enough said.
- a pregnant belly trying to maneuver around cramped hospital rooms, IV poles, and treatment rooms is the equivalent to " bull in a china shop".. Although no one seems to mind.

There are also lots of perks to the every growing bump though...
- hours of entertainment watching it morph into weird shapes and bounce around as the little one stretches and kicks around
- stork parking
- the freedom to eat a big lunch and then slip ( errr... Squeeze) into a bathing suit , not having to worry about "sucking it in" or the afternoon bloat.
- being able to do funny dances around the house while holding your belly
- did I already mention the kicks haha
- feeling like a magic genie or the happy Buddha ... Everyone wants to rub your belly.. It has to be good luck sending all that love to the baby!

Pics of 28 weeks and 32 weeks along!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012

Paperbag princess

The floors of the baby's room are finally finished! And they actually turned out pretty good! It might seem like it took a while, and it did, but that's because we chose only to work on it on rainy days ( which have been few and far between)...
We used a dark walnut stain and then once that dried about 10 coats of polyurethane coating... Here's a few pictures :)

There's even one pic with our beautiful little crib finally set up! And wow... That certainly makes it feel a lot more real!
Decided to go with pinks, yellows, and white. And surprisingly enough, loving all the ruffles and girly accents....hmmm this is getting fun ;) Its slowly coming together...

Baby brain

Well, after a series of unfortunate events in my "virtual world", I am finally back. I'm sure that most people either thought I gave up on the whole blogging thing, or didn't have anything to write about.... No... Lots happening here!  Now I feel like I'm writing an excuse for a professor, but I swear its true.
After having my laptop crash ( it was about time anyways)... And going slightly crazy without having a connection to the web, I splurged and bought an iPad!.... (Yes- I probably should have purchased a car seat, stroller, or playpen instead.... But I guess I don't quite think like a mom jusssst yet).. Great! Problem solved.... Now I can get back to blogging!
Ever hear of baby brain?
It really does exist.
My email address and password, that I used almost daily... Completely wiped from my memory. And it really never came back.  I gave up a few nights and figured it would just come back to me... But no luck. So after multiple emails to google and a bazillion combinations .... I am back.

I've heard baby brain never really goes away after the baby is born. Haha... So  even if I somehow manage to escape stretch marks and swollen ankles, I can look forward to random moments of flakey-ness for years to come. You've been warned.

Also,  prepare to be bombarded with posts... I'm almost finished work, which means I'll have a lot more time on my hands..... Hopefully the brain will cooperate from now on...

Tuesday, 24 July 2012

Nursery DIY

Well I've decided to get creative! I've always been a little creative- but it was always the kind of creative that just floated around in my head and never really amounted to anything in the real world. And then.... along came pinterest! .... Its like a magical place where you can browse through other  ( much more) creative people's minds for hours-- marvelling over beautiful diy projects and original ideas.... and totally procrastinate from doing anything remotely productive yourself. Fantastic.
I decided I would change all of that and become a "do'er".  haha...
Alas- baby nursery is officially in progress... and is definitely a bit of a pinterest experiment.

I guess I can get some credit for being proactive in already painting the nursery/ baby room ( or whatever I am suppose to call it... haha- nursery sounds so old fashioned but I'll go with it). Actually most of the credit goes to the girls that gave up their afternoon to help me paint it.
It went from a plain ol' white to a bright and colorful turquoise/aqua color ( which I have since been banned from painted anything else in or around the house after a bit of a painting spree.... Sorry Rob). At the time it seemed like a "safe" choice because it was happy and gender neutral. I guess safe would have been a more gentle, soft color.... but I am fully committed now :)  ( did I mention its the same color as my prom dress from a decade ago)...

Back to the pinterest idea--- that would be our adventures in paper bag floors! Basically its a bunch of brown craft paper ripped up and paper mached to the floor with school glue. Then its stained and coated with some sort of poly sealer ( I'm not doing any of the chemically parts Mom)... and the final result is supposed to be an inexpensive - leather look-a-like- diy floor! We shall see.  But so far so good if I do say so myself!

Getting the supplies... and preparing to spend hrs on the floor ripping & scrunching paper....getting covered head to toe in glue :)

Day #1-- making some progress. Starting to cover the bare floor with craft paper... lol... hope it works!
You also get to feast your eyes on the colorful walls!

Almost finished phase one! ( that was my job!)

All the paper laid! Feeling pretty proud...A little dirty and a lot sore from all that bending and kneeling! lol...

Robby's turn! Hard at work doing some staining for the crazy craft lady!

Starting to look pretty neat! This was my last look before I fled the room for good until "phase 2" is dry! More pictures soon to follow!
It might not be your typical nursery-- but hopefully it all comes together in the end.. ( much like the whole naming baby issue). Now-- just to add the finishing coat... some shiny new baseboards.... oh ya!... and a bunch of baby furniture yet to be determined ;) Hopefully she's enjoying her current living accomadations in the womb for a few more months and gives mommy and daddy some time to step up their game.

Here's a few pictures I have come across of others who have chosen similar wall colors-- I like the top three the best I think... but still trying to figure out just exactly what other colors to use. Suggestions are always welcome! :)


Friday, 20 July 2012

On strike..

So, if you actually have been keeping up with my little updates you have probably realised that there really hasn't been much going on lately... its been just about 3 whole weeks since my 3d ultrasound... That's a long time in pregnancy- baby has gone from the size of a mango to a cauliflower and grown almost a pound... I have  upped a pant size, had 3 emotional hormone induced outbursts, gained 6 pounds, traded in the bikini for a tankini, discovered a mysterious grunt that comes out with random position changes, and have become accustomed to random rib shots. All in all, lots has been happening- none of which I have had the urge to write about... ( or the urge has been quick and fleeting- promptly replaced by an internal procrastination line or a nap).

Actually- I have a confession... I have been on babyland strike.
After all the wonderful excitement from the 3d ultrasound, and making my "online diary" a little more public ( via facebook) in all of my excitement and wanting to "share my babe with the world"... I froze.  All at the same time, I immediately regretted my brave post linking all of my friends and family to my random baby babble and belly shots... and I went through a bit of anxiety about how real all of this is becoming. 
I mean- now I have seen my "daughter", made out some tiny little features, and now I am starting to really see some belly growing! Its getting closer.... and I all of a sudden I felt even more unprepared.
The nursery remained bare. The baby has no official name. I haven't read enough of my pregnancy or parenting books. I haven't started looking for baby items yet. Maybe I should be more excited? Oh no!..... what am I doing?!............................
 I couldn't weigh in on any conversations of items I needed to acquire when asked by generous friends and family mainly because I really have no idea exactly what I even needed.
I knew a crib, changing table and car seat were all required items.... but in the crazy world of bouncers and jumpers, and walkers, and the million types of strollers,maternity clothes,  diapers, and bassinets?, and bath things and baby doo-dings.... my head was spinning.
So I opted for the easiest option..... boycotted the pregnancy/baby world until the spinning stopped.
No, that doesn't mean I acted like I wasn't pregnant and opted for the wine and sushi.
It means I pushed aside thinking of baby names, searching for baby room decor, reading pregnancy magazines, blogging about prego things and basically just took a break.
It was the best thing I could have done- because all of the negative feelings, fears, and anxiety about mommy-hood have seemed to take a hike for a while as well as any self-consciousness about writing down my feelings ( hahah.... I guess that is fairly obvious).
Rob and I took a little weekend vacation to relax and getaway... and although it was different that an adventure we would normally plan... it was just enough to hit the reset button.

Hey- a  girls gotta go at her own pace.... and I promised myself I wouldn't just write on this "to make a blog entry", but when writing things down was helpful and I actually had something to get out of my head and share.

Oh-that- and I really needed to finish  "50 shades of grey"... haha....

Friday, 29 June 2012

Sneak peaks- It's a girl!

This will probably be a short post about a very special day.
Today was our 3d ultrasound.....
Yes- I know... I would have been the first one to tell you ( pre-pregnancy) that those ultrasounds are ultra-creepy. You can see all the fine and not yet fully formed details of you growing baby- and you will be meeting them soon anyways- so whats the point?! Besides they always seem to resemble at little E.T.
Haha... I caved... and oh how my tune has changed.... and I absolutely LOVED every minute!!
True- it may still be slightly creepy taking such a close look into the womb early on..... but it is amazing. It's entrancing and its a beautiful experience. I've actually just spent the last 2 hours re-watching the dvd we took home. Scrutinizing every face and spontaneous movement. Laughing at the little yawns, unintentional smiles and scowls... and those chubby little cheeks.
I've been looking at baby in a new light.
As our baby girl!
That is correct.... it has been confirmed and I have video evidence of little girl parts. I feel like I can finally start to plan a little more now!
Watching her squirm around on screen was a little emotional. So real.  And of course, being a nurse.... I was analazing features to ensure the look of a healthy babe ( ear and eye placement, formed lips ect). Thankfully, paranoia was fleeting, and I began to really relax and enjoy the show.
The nurse doing the ultrasound told us she had very dainty features... and that she had set a record for changing positions ( in and out of breach 3 times)....
So bizarre that we have the technology to do this...
So wonderful....
Sooooooo in love.

Now as I sit here and feel her kicks, I am picturing her as she was in the ultrasound, cuddling up, making faces and definetly looking more and more like a real baby everyday.

Guess its just about time to start shopping! I can't wait to put a frilly headband around that head of hair!

First look at our baby girl!

Pointing ( aka attempting a peace sign haha)

Covering up


Squinting and making faces

Sooo much hair already!


Cuddled up in a ball