Monday, 30 April 2012

Belly and the Hoop

Hoop Love

Hooping is something I discovered 3 or so years ago.. and have been fascinated with ever since. I love it.
It calms me and makes me feel alive all at the same time. I don't do it as much as I'd like to and sometimes finding the perfect space to do it can be a little tricky. I don't want to be a professional hulahooper, and I don't do it for attention. I simply love how it makes me feel. Connected to me, and happy. If I can find a beautiful place to run off an spin my hoop around my body-- I get that fresh breath of ahhhhh... right where I imagine my soul would be.
With winter... hooping gets pushed aside usually. Everywheres is too cold or too crowded to get to that spot in my head. But with spring here and the sun shining... its the perfect time.
Being pregnant has also drawn me back to my hoop. It may sound strange, but as the hoop gently spins around my midsection and and around my body, I feel very at peace and connected not just to myself, but to my developing baby. I know that since I have not been doing it very often lately, I'm clumsy and uncoordinated, but pregnant hooping is different. Its soothing. I'm much less self conscious, and truly am enjoying the moment. Just me, baby and hoop.
I hope this inspiration keeps up throughout my pregnancy and even longer. It has so many benefits, body mind and soul. Anything that feels like that has to be good for you.
I have been hooping to all sorts of music, slow and fast. One of my favorites at the moment  is this one :

Sunday, 29 April 2012

Hello hormones

Holy Hormones! All in favour of pregnancy coming with a giant warning above your head say "Ay!"
Really though... its quite something, isn't it. I feel like I went from being an easy going,  laid back passivist to a tri-polar cannon, ready to fire super charged emotions at random, unsuspecting victims.

Take for instance-- the 17yr old boy working at Bell... probably while studying for exams, saving for a new ipod, all while dealing with delayed puberty.  I was late and he tried to fix a problem with my cellphone unsuccessfully. Instead of waiting for the next employee as per usual, calmly and with a smile.... I saw red.. I may have even growled... and stormed out in my loud heels, only to sheepishly come crawling back to the same store 2 minutes later. By then I had snapped back to reality  and like a guilty first grader... I  handed over my phone quietly and waited like normal customer.  Although since I was in a rush.. ( and maybe I can also blame this part on pregnancy)... I walked out without paying for their services, but no one called for me as I scurried away for the second time... probably.. they were too scared to poke the dragon.  Looks like I'll be taking the 20$ out of the karma bank for that one.

But its not all anger and a short fuse.... it would never be that easy . haha... oh no.. Its all about the tears!
I've discovered there is a happy cry, a sad cry, a commercial cry, a clapping cry ( I'll explain that one later).. the so overjoyed I could bust cry, a being in the presence of old people cry, a sympathy cry, a music induced cry, a memory cry, a love cry, even a "these pickles are so delicious"cry... ok- so maybe not the last one... but all the rest- 100% true. Swear.
I must say- the manly, stoic, ultra tough fisherman by my side is coping surprisingly well.  Most of the time he just laughs and shrugs it off ( when he feels it is safe).
Its a little embarrassing... but we have come up with a few solutions around the house. First solution- Extreme Home Makeover, Undercover Boss, 16 and pregnant, Marley and Me, The Notebook... and all shows/movies that fall in that umbrella of sap are off limits, unless they are viewed alone and without mascara. Secondly- Think before you speak... and if that is impossible, count to 10...verrrry slowly. If you want to yell- instead you have to sing your frustrations in an opera voice- then by the time you do- you obviously forget you were upset.  And the best solution ( in his opinion)... working on the shed- transforming the upstairs of the garage into a boy friendly game room, which offers a space to watch sports, swing the hammer around and hang out with friends. Its also the perfect spot for us to duel it out over an intense game of ping pong. See, we can cope like true adults.
Then there's the happy. I don't really notice that one, probably because it feels more normal. However it is noticeable by awkwardly perky humming and singing, dancing around the house and giggling over extremely silly things.
There you have it. Every emotion working X10.. all the time. It makes for an interesting household dynamic. My friends find it funny, my parents probably find it normal ( or at least on par with the teenage years), and my boyfriend... well he's still my boyfriend, so he's tolerating it well. I find it exhausting...It's a little hard to hang out with myself some days, but hey... at least I admit it. ;)
So even if its not with nausea and vomiting, my body and little babe is still very good at reminding us he/she is working overtime, and still growing at super speed.

Every time I hear this song on the radio... I just think about my body working overtime to make this little baby.  No.. sorry.. the randomness/weirdness has nothing to do with being knocked up. Enjoy :)

Wednesday, 25 April 2012

Bun in the Oven

These ladies are hilarious.... and when my man opened this in his email from me... we both had a pretty good laugh.

Warning: this video is PG13 with some dirty lyrics... but I couldn't help but to post it...  haha..

14 and counting

So I haven't written on here in a week... however I have been blogging constently in my head... many posts about my hilarious ( and slightly dangerous) raging hormones, the gremlin that has taken up residence somewheres between my stomach and esophagus,  my distracting fasination with this flash flood of excessive saliva, and of course my slowly rounding belly.
As you see- its been a very exciting week.  I'm sure I will soon be blabbing about each of the things I have mentioned above as they are bound to get more intense and the days pass.
Another noteworthy milestone....I have entered my second trimester.  Baby can make all sorts of  faces ( which I'm sure it does as I whip up interesting culinary concoctions such as boiled eggs, topped with peanut butter and fresh dill); is starting to pee and has his/her first coat of baby fuzz! How cute.
So far this second trimester is a breeze ( one week in, I should probably be careful not to jinx myself). The morning/ all day sickness has finally taken a hike, and besides being a little tired... I have no complaints.
Well- I have some complaints ( see first paragraph), but since they serve as a daily dose of entertainment for most people around me, I'm willing to overlook them for now ;)

I've also been occupying myself with the serious side of pregnancy. Do I dare say- the business side? Telling my employers, figuring out new schedules, switching positions and figuring out all the nitty gritty about maternity leave ( that still sounds weird when I say it!).  Its been much less stressful then I anticipated, and my bosses have been fantastic.  I have to keep reminding myself that a year off from work doesn't mean I get to grab my passport and take off to thailand.... instead I get to take off to the nursery and change poopy diapers and teach my little human all about love and life.... Its funny how life changes.

Our parents and family seem to be getting more and more excited; always checking up with texts and phonecalls to see how things are going. I love listening to my parents trying to decide what they want to be called by their first grandchild. Its a surprisingly cute and amusing thing to witness ( apparently there are many more options than simply the Nana and Grampa I grew up with).  I have a slight feeling that I'm the only one who is still enjoying keeping this a semi-secret. Both of our sets of parents are just about busting at the seams.

Hmm, and I think I might post my first belly photo soon...stay tuned ;)

Wednesday, 18 April 2012


So last night was the much anticipated night of "the big reveal" to my unsuspecting parents. Remember that video I posted with the inspiration for telling them. Yah- well in our family- it went nothing like that! In fact, I've considered posting it to youtube and labelling it "Awkward Pregnancy Announcement". 

The afternoon was quite busy, as my accomplice ( aka: little sister), and I drove around the city searching for things to place in the gift bag of "grandparent paraphernalia". We found a "grandma loves me bib", Chicken soup for the Grandparents soul and other grandparent books, and a very appropriate new baby greeting card. I could have shopped for hours more filling the bag with onesies and other cute things, however my sister ensured me that "they would get the hint".... Haha... Thanks sis.
So there we had it. A baby bag full of grandparent appropriate gifts, a card labelled - To Nana and Grandpa
( stating the baby's due date)- all within a giant box of pink and blue and Welcome Baby helium filled balloons. Pretty obvious right? ... Wrong....

After dinner came the long awaited "gifting of the grandchild." I set it up perfectly... they had the big "Easter" present at their feet and were preparing to open it. My stomach was once again, in knots, and my sister had the biggest grin on her face ( perhaps she knew this would soon be hilarious). Hmmm.. moments before the big reveal I thought about two possible reactions; the 27yr old in me... expecting joy and excitement... and the 17yr old me... who expected disappointment and to be sent to my room and grounded. ...

Quick! Snap out of it! They are opening it!
..... annnnd....... nothing! Pure silence... ( wait- this didn't happen on youtube"!... maybe if I just wait for a second..).... still nothing.... ( is that bird's chirping I hear..?).... Hmm... well this is awkward.

As they talked themselves through the gifts they were receiving... read the card aloud... and stared blankly around the room. It was clear that they were in pure disbelief, denial and superb shock. 

After some explaining and convincing that this wasn't some elaborate sick joke, their reaction really was priceless (although not caught on camera).  They both had  glossy, overjoyed, ear to ear smiles. There were hugs and tears and lots of laughter. They both stumbled around giggling in disbelief, recounting the thoughts that were swirling through their minds as the opened their gift.

Their stunned reaction was soon discussed and they lovingly reminded me that I had overlooked one minor detail when planning this surprise.  My history and past track record of being the family prankster.
So when they opened the gift and balloons popped out- with new baby written across everything, they didn't think "new baby".  Instead... they wondered what the catch was.  Was I giving them a puppy? Was this a belated April fools joke? "What the heck is going on"

Needless to say- Although it wasn't the reaction that I had envisioned. It was perfect for my family, and undoubtedly be recounted with laughter many times over the years. Phew.... glad that is over!

And his parents?  Well my wonderful boyfriend is a much more practial, "cut to the chase", laid-back kind of guy. So he went for the unplanned, casual announcement in front of family at dinner. Although it was not video taped or documented quite as well... it was just as special. His family ( although also slightly shocked at first) was excited and happy to be adding a new addition to the family. There were many hugs and congratualtions and I'm sure that the next 6 months will be met with lots of anticipation and support.

It really is true support from family makes the world of difference. Lucky for us, we are surrounded by two of the most caring and supportive family networks that could possibly exist.

........  and hopefully full of LOTS of babysitters! haha...  (come on, you were thinking it too)  ;)

Friday, 13 April 2012


So I thought that since my first trimester is just about finished, so was my morning sickness and all day nausea. Guess I was wrong! Just as I was about to run out of the house in my nursing uniform at 7am... I felt the overwhelming urge, once again. And as my caring boyfriend was feeding me toast  over the toilet bowl to ease my empty stomach ( or my excessive whining)...  I knew that today was going to be hell. One of those 'I'm fake smiling as I hold back dry heaves during morning report' ' if the cat meow's at me funny I might cry' days.
One of those days that I want to go home and lay on the couch and whine and cuddle up to my mother... because she loves having the oppurtunity to take care of me like I'm 7,  and I love giving it to her .One of those days... that I wish she knew my secret!
My parents are both on a  well-deserved vacation... and just in the past week.. it has been all I can do not to spill the beans in our casual texts from miles and miles away. I desperately want to tell them, especially my mom. Her favorite line when I was growing up and being a rebelious, snotty teenager--- "I can't wait until you have a kid of your own".... well... the waiting is almost over Momma.
All I had to do was think about my Mom today to get teared up. Thinking about how amazing she's been through all of my ups and down's, and how she's given me the world.  I found myself humming a song she used to play, and get all lovey with us kids.... and today it felt so special to me. I wonder if she ever felt all of these wierd pregnant emotions that I am.. my guess is yes... but I can't wait for her to hug me and tell me all about them.

When I was trying to get used to the idea of being pregnant and  actually having a baby, one of the things that gave me comfort and made me feel like it was (somewhat) the right time was the fact that I have both of my parents. Alive, healthy, semi-retired, and loving life. If I was going to have a child at some point- I wanted that child to know their grandparents and be able to enjoy  and  experience what amazing, interesting people they are.  I was fortunate enough to have grandparents in my life- and still feel blessed that my grandmother will know a great-grandchild. How fantastic is that.
( as I write all of this- I am still crossing my fingers that the horrible labour I learned about yesterday will not kill me and that baby will come out healthy and with all of its proper parts so I can get to the loving part).
Wow- I realise as I'm sitting here... sobbing to dumbo, thinking about those who raised me and the plum size human inside me... this post is full of mush... guess its all part of the game.

Sunday ( two days from now...) my parents arrive to their home... hopefully I will get there shortly after... and pull off some sort of announcement. This obviously means that I will NOT be waiting the extra month until Mother's Day. Its just not possible. I hope that my parents are excited for their first grandchild...and that they overlook that minor catholic sin of being unwed. I'm sure that they probably won't be that offended- I always seemed to do things a bit out of order- and it always seems to work out in the end.

Now-- the inspiration for my announcement to my parents:

It not going to be Christmas... so it will be a belated Easter present. Surprise! xo

Thursday, 12 April 2012


So being a nurse in a rural community, its good practice to involve yourself in as much education as you possibly can, to further your knowledge and prepare you for different types of situations. Well... today's course I eagerly attended:  Emergency Deliveries ( basically how to catch the baby when there is no way they are transferring off the island).
 I have been present for a few deliveries ( both c-sections and vag births) in my short nursing career, and I know that in "real life" its nothing like a fluffy TLC birth story special.  I've been reading text books, baby books, and scanning the internet for the past 2 months... reading everything I come across about pregnancy and birth trying to prepare myself.
Oh My God... what I was Not prepared for??? To sit in a classroom full of my co-workers ( nurses and doctors) and listen to the "quick and dirty", X-Rated version of labor and delivery. At one point ( probably in between discussions of prolapsed uterus and 3rd degree tears), I felt as though I might pass out and cry all at the same time, going into a mini anxiety attack.  Then I realised that I was holding on to my perineum for dear life, guarding it from the trauma I was envisioning in my head. I was having phantom pains as manoeuvres of "releasing the babies shoulder when its stuck behind the mothers pubic bone "( gaggg) were demonstrated. ... "get the mother to get those legs as far up to her head as possible"....... As I sat and listened and took notes... my mind wandered to when the next yoga class was and how I shouldn't miss it.
Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for the education, and found it very informative. It will serve useful if  a labouring mom walks through the ER doors on a night shift ( knock on wood... I hope it Never happens on my shift!).. And when it is my time to switch roles to the patient... it will serve as a great source of anxiety. I will be a bag of nerves, replaying all of those scary bits of information over and over in my head. Maybe by some miracle, I will forget everything related to my placenta, uterus, cervix, pubic bone and perineum
Well I suppose that is enough ranting for today. Besides- I have a very important yoga class to get to.

Wednesday, 11 April 2012

Daily Mush

This father and daughter melt my heart and give me goosebumps <3


For the past couple of weeks I've been having the strangest dreams, all involving babies and fetus's. The running theme is that I am the one left to care for these strange unclaimed babies. Last night was a random baby I found at disney world, the night before, I was the sole provider for all of the forgottten fetus's that didn't reach full term, and before that, I vividly dreamed that I took a "magic school bus" like tour inside the womb-- where I found myself hand in hand with a baby, swimming though a vast ocean of amniotic fluid.
Now-- I want to know what the heck is REALLY in those prenatal vitamins--- because something is making me dream like I'm on a 70's acid trip.
I wonder if its stress or maybe just the early signs of a twisted maternal instinct. Either way, I sort of enjoy them because they are slowing getting me used to the idea of being a mom. Slowly...strangely... but surely... :)

Sunday, 8 April 2012

Daily mush

Just what the title implies. You wouldn't find these on my regular playlist but they have resurfaced on my pregnant overly emotional one.

and one to switch the tears to laughter..

Healthy Hangover

So my weekend away with the hockey team went well! Hockey was great and the evening out with the girls was full of  great food and lots of laughs.
As I assumed, there was a lot of sneakily dodging celebratory drinks with dinner and even more while we hopped from pub to pub... I must say- I pulled it off without a hitch!

My tactic? Being very indecisive about what I was going to order ( which thankfully is pretty normal for me), so that I could go straight to my server and explain the situation.  All of the servers and bar staff were fantastic, and I always knew they remembered with their quick wink of acknowledgement.... Although I must admit I was a little nervous when my first daiquiri came  with dinner and quickly ran to "the bathroom" ( wink wink) to double check with the waitress that the plan was still in action.

The next obstacle came when a team mate ordered a round of jagerbombs.... ( oh shit-- how am I going to get out of this one ?)... As the waitress passed them to me, I quickly passed them along to the rest of the girls... then she passed another to me, and whispered... "this ones for you". Now, I'm no lush-- but I can definitely sniff out a shot of jager ( especially with my new found super-sense)... I immediately knew that I in fact did not have jager... but instead a small shot glass of pepsi.  I was amazed at my waitresses sneaky behaviour! wow.. maybe she was pregnant too. haha.  The redbull? she had that covered too... and switched it out with gingerale. Brilliant. Thank you Jesus.  I was so impressed and excited about the questions I had just dodged once again... that I almost forgot to make a face after I gulped it down.

The rest of the night was easy. I sipped on lemon water all night ( well over my 8 glasses), danced and laughed and had a great time. Wow... and all of these years I thought I needed a drink to hit the dance floor?! Maybe, I was just naturally fun?! I did not feel like an awkward teenager, as I had anticipated. At the end of the night my make up still looked good, I had my purse and both of my shoes, I was able to bypass the greasy hot dog stand, I had money in my pocket and memories of all the hilarious conversations we had. Thanks Baby... you are teaching me things already.

One downfall? The bloat. If I didn't look pregnant at the first of the night, I sure as heck did now. I'm guessing that the double supper and appetisers, mixed with the umpteen waters with excessive lemon and lime, followed by a healthy dose of dancing, was just enough to create a volcano like atmosphere in my gut.
I woke at about 330 am with violent gas pains and a lovely greeting from my old friend- nausea. So I grabbed a pillow and blanket and slept on the bathroom floor in our hotel room until the gas had "passed", and all of my limbs were numb.
So unfortunately, instead of waking up feeling refreshed and perky. I had the same tired, played out look as the rest of the team. Alas, I had a healthy hangover, uncurable by any assortment of pharmaceuticals ( since they are also on the no- no list). I was spent... from laughing and dancing and indulging on spinach and arichoke dip. Damn you bloat fairy~...  But it was worth every stinkin' toot.
By the time our next hockey season starts, I'll have an infant bundled up in the stands with Nana, cheering us on. Its so hard to picture... but my body keeps reminding me its coming!

Thursday, 5 April 2012


As I lay in my bed trying to sleep... I feel scared.
I'm scared of losing myself.
I'm scared of lost opportunities.
I'm scared that I'm in over my head.
I'm scared that I will give up on my professional goals.
I'm scared that a baby will change us for the worst.
I'm scared of the word forever.
I'm scared that something will go wrong with the baby.
I'm scared of being a mom.
...and when I write the word mom... I feel so scared, I get nauseous...

----Phew... take a breath.... Its going to be okay.... I hope.


One of the tricky parts about hiding a pregnancy in the early months... you guessed it... socializing. I guess I never really realized how much my social life revolved around a nice chilled bottle of wine until I had to suddenly scratch it from the list. I'm not joking... even the most laid back monday night activity was usually followed by a glass of the good stuff. And I was usually the one to suggest it.... now I'm throwing in every excuse I can to ward off the prego questions.... I sort of feel like if I don't tell my friends whats up soon they might start to think I am turning into a depressed hermit. ( nope, just a horrible liar)

Here's an example of  a conversation I had last week with a friend
" Hey, after hockey let's go to Emily's "
"Sure, sounds good!"
"It will be fun! We are going to have some beers, eat some fresh steamed clams, and then go jump in the hottub!"
"oh I just remembered I'm on call tonight"

Tomorrow, I'm going on an overnight trip with my (extemely non contact, teddybear league) women's hockey team to our first ever away game! Pretty exciting!  I have one close friend on the team who knows my secret, but I'm hoping that the rest of my teammates don't notice that I'm skipping the beers and sipping llemon water all night.  I've already planted the seed of "bladder infection"... so that should cover the excessive peeing during our excursion.

Why the big secret you might ask? Well there are a few, very valid reasons:
1) Both myself and my hunny remain in severe shock... so we need to get used to the news before it makes the headlines.
2) When I say headlines... I'm not exagerating. You see, I live on a tiny, close knit, rural island in the middle of the Atlantic ocean. Its beautiful and so is the community... but there is no such thing as a secret. So the rule of thumb is: if you don't want everyone to know, don't tell anyone. Not even the dog.
3) My parents are away, and although they don't live on this island... they need to be the first to know.
4) When we do make the big "announcement" to our families.... I envision it as a very pinterest-y announcement- therefore, I need my ultrasound pic... which will hopefully happen next week.

So there you have it. I must say-- although I don't want to rush this process along... I am soo looking forward to the days when I can hang out with my close friends and not have to pretend I hate sushi and wines.... just simply pass on it, touch my belly and smile.

And this is what I mean by a pinterest-y announcement //

Wednesday, 4 April 2012

Growing inside.

"if it is meant to will be. People with restless roaming spirits are never ready....we envision that someday in the imaginary future we will be sprinkled with magical domestic fairy dust & settle in making babies....but that day never happens so instead perfect little mistakes happen."

Wow- a baby. It still hasn't really fully sunk in yet. Well, there is the unbearable ( and almost impossible to hide I might add) daily nausea, dry heaving and gagging which is a bit of a constant reminder. Also, I have the nose of a bloodhound, and even the sound of people clapping in a crowd tears me up.

Still its strange... every morning I stand in the mirror and just stare. I look down at my stomach and suck it in to see if any visible "bump" has appeared... still nothing. I touch it and it still feels  like my normal morning belly. I push it out just as far as I can to try to imagine what I might look like ( a habit I've had since I was a child)... but with one inhale- it is back to normal flat belly me.   I know it sounds vain, but I wonder what will happen to my belly since I more or less like it the way it is.... stretch marks terrify me and the thought of my abdominal muscles splitting makes me cringe.....

And then I remember its not just about the belly....that inside there is a little human growing. Such a pile of overflowing mixed emotions.

Remember that quote about the restless roaming spirit?.... That would be me. Totally unprepared ( mentally) to birth and raise a child. Definetly scared shitless about how having "a tiny human" attached to my side may hinder my unrational spontaneous decision making, which often leads to incredible unplanned adventures and amazing experiences.   Maybe this will just be another unplanned adventure ( that lasts a lifetime?... oh dear).

Well, here we go! Time to modify the "life plan" to +1...
Eventually we will get used to the idea... hopefully before the remaining 199 days are up ( thanks prego app).
Since its really happening, of course we will need to fill in our families... stay tuned.

psst... its as big as a lime!