Education

So being a nurse in a rural community, its good practice to involve yourself in as much education as you possibly can, to further your knowledge and prepare you for different types of situations. Well... today's course I eagerly attended:  Emergency Deliveries ( basically how to catch the baby when there is no way they are transferring off the island).
 I have been present for a few deliveries ( both c-sections and vag births) in my short nursing career, and I know that in "real life" its nothing like a fluffy TLC birth story special.  I've been reading text books, baby books, and scanning the internet for the past 2 months... reading everything I come across about pregnancy and birth trying to prepare myself.
Oh My God... what I was Not prepared for??? To sit in a classroom full of my co-workers ( nurses and doctors) and listen to the "quick and dirty", X-Rated version of labor and delivery. At one point ( probably in between discussions of prolapsed uterus and 3rd degree tears), I felt as though I might pass out and cry all at the same time, going into a mini anxiety attack.  Then I realised that I was holding on to my perineum for dear life, guarding it from the trauma I was envisioning in my head. I was having phantom pains as manoeuvres of "releasing the babies shoulder when its stuck behind the mothers pubic bone "( gaggg) were demonstrated. ... "get the mother to get those legs as far up to her head as possible"....... As I sat and listened and took notes... my mind wandered to when the next yoga class was and how I shouldn't miss it.
Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for the education, and found it very informative. It will serve useful if  a labouring mom walks through the ER doors on a night shift ( knock on wood... I hope it Never happens on my shift!).. And when it is my time to switch roles to the patient... it will serve as a great source of anxiety. I will be a bag of nerves, replaying all of those scary bits of information over and over in my head. Maybe by some miracle, I will forget everything related to my placenta, uterus, cervix, pubic bone and perineum
Well I suppose that is enough ranting for today. Besides- I have a very important yoga class to get to.