Growing inside.

"if it is meant to be....it will be. People with restless roaming spirits are never ready....we envision that someday in the imaginary future we will be sprinkled with magical domestic fairy dust & settle in making babies....but that day never happens so instead perfect little mistakes happen."

Wow- a baby. It still hasn't really fully sunk in yet. Well, there is the unbearable ( and almost impossible to hide I might add) daily nausea, dry heaving and gagging which is a bit of a constant reminder. Also, I have the nose of a bloodhound, and even the sound of people clapping in a crowd tears me up.

Still its strange... every morning I stand in the mirror and just stare. I look down at my stomach and suck it in to see if any visible "bump" has appeared... still nothing. I touch it and it still feels  like my normal morning belly. I push it out just as far as I can to try to imagine what I might look like ( a habit I've had since I was a child)... but with one inhale- it is back to normal flat belly me.   I know it sounds vain, but I wonder what will happen to my belly since I more or less like it the way it is.... stretch marks terrify me and the thought of my abdominal muscles splitting makes me cringe.....

And then I remember its not just about the belly....that inside there is a little human growing. Such a pile of overflowing mixed emotions.

Remember that quote about the restless roaming spirit?.... That would be me. Totally unprepared ( mentally) to birth and raise a child. Definetly scared shitless about how having "a tiny human" attached to my side may hinder my unrational spontaneous decision making, which often leads to incredible unplanned adventures and amazing experiences.   Maybe this will just be another unplanned adventure ( that lasts a lifetime?... oh dear).

Well, here we go! Time to modify the "life plan" to +1...
Eventually we will get used to the idea... hopefully before the remaining 199 days are up ( thanks prego app).
Since its really happening, of course we will need to fill in our families... stay tuned.

psst... its as big as a lime!