Saturday, 26 May 2012
Thursday, 24 May 2012
Tomorrow morning we leave at 7am... to head for our much anticipated ultrasound.
I have just spent close to an hour and a half in the shower.....staring... wondering... hoping... and praying that we will get good news of a normal, healthy baby.
I feel like I have a healthy little babe inside me, but my mind is on overdrive x10.
I wonder if other soon to be moms have as much crazy and worrisome things run through their heads prior to an ultrasound... or if my experience working on paediatrics and neonatal has made me overly paranoid about all of the possible complications, syndromes and birth anomalies I have already seen.
I also feel like I shouldn't even write or think about these things because I don't want to attract any "force of the universe" in that direction ( yes- I realise how completely crazy that sounds to some people, but my mother made me read "The Secret" at some point... and now.. well like I said... my brain's on overdrive).
I realise that people deal with things like that everyday-and that it doesn't lessen a miracle of life- but I also have seen how challenging, stressful and what a complete life change it brings, on top of adjusting to an already new stage in life. I also don't know if I am one of those amazingly strong people with the courage and mindset to deal with those unexpected challenges.
That's what I'm nervous about....
I also am ridiciously anxious. Doing my hair, trying to pick out an outfit, packing healthy snacks for the trip, laying out my prenatal vitamin..... ( for anyone who knows me.... I'm not much of a planner.... so all of that is a little odd). I've even done my prenatal yoga dvd... twice. It's a little like I am getting ready for a first date...a blind first date.... I know I'll be meeting someone very special for the first time ( the first time in the shape of a human rather than a little blob that is), and my heart could skip a beat just thinking about it.
In fact, if I think about it too much I mind even tear up a little ( yesss... again)
I'm excited to see the look on a strong mans face when he sees his tiny baby on the screen. That makes me smile. It seems like it will make it all more "real" in so many ways.
On the bright side... the past two days I have 100% for sure- felt some little jabs, rolls, or hiccups... Faint enough that I need to sit quietly and feel... but strong enough that there is no denying that is not regular stomach growls and gas. That should be enough to stop my worrying... but I think just writing (errr..typing) it down and getting it out of my head helped a lot..Funny how that happens. ( thanks blog!)
Well- I think I will paint my nails, finish the laundry and TRY to snuggle in for the night.
Of course the one thing I did forget to do is pre-book a ferry ticket ( like I said--- planning--- not so good)... and 630am comes early.
..... eeeeek! just at this very moment felt some little movements again.... I think baby is trying to tell me to stop worrying and go to sleep instead :) ... okay little one- you win :)
Monday, 21 May 2012
Friday morning started out like any other work day. Robby (oh- that's my man by the way) began his day hours before sunlight... leaving myself and the dogs to sleep in until my alarm starts screaming and sends all of our bladders into urgent chaos. I run around getting myself ready for work, probably a little too quickly ( having taken every last minute to sleep in).. I usually run outside in my underwear or pjs, hiding under one of Rob's giant coats or sweaters, so that the dog and puppy can do their business... but today I didn't quite make it outside.
I'm still not exactly sure how it happened but somehow I managed to fall down every stair ( there are only 4 - but it felt like 20) from my kitchen to my entry way. And I fell hard. Luckily mostly on my left butt cheek- ending up in a heap lying on my side. I was completely stunned, had the wind knocked out of me and soon started to frantically worry that I had not only hurt myself, but my baby. Hormones, pain, and wimpiness elicited a flood of tears and crying that would scared anyone who witnessed my short tumble.
It just so happens that the only witnesses were the dogs.. and their reaction was to crawl all over me and lick my face, which was not what I needed at that time. Especially since I didn't actually make it to the door to let the puppy out to pee, and in all of the "excitement".... well I think you know what I'm about to say. So there I lay, at the bottom of the stairs, crying in my underwear, covered in puppy pee, terrified that my clumsiness had just done something horrible... 10 minutes before leaving for work. Not a great way to start your day.
I pulled myself together as much as possible and called the hospital to let one of my co-workers know that I would be coming up shortly for a check-up. I knew that until I heard that little heartbeat trucking along- I would be an anxious mess.
To make a long story short-- it was more of a scare than anything else. The doctors and nurses were fantastic and understood my anxiety. Luckily it was just a few soft tissue injuries. I bruised my bottom and pulled a few muscles in my back and stomach, but it seemed everything with baby was fine. Thank goodness.
Its strange how in those moments, nothing else mattered except knowing that our little creation was okay. That's a big change from how I felt when I first saw those 2 bright lines in February. ( I feel like that last sentence is one that this future child may misinterpret as a teen... so hopefully this blog is long gone by then)...But I felt another dose of motherly instinct. I just wanted to protect... and wished I could peek inside and say I`m sorry... and that I hope everything is ok because I already love you.
Lessons learned... hold onto the railings when going down stairs... stop being so klutzy... and think about what you do in your underwear. There`s a little human in there!
And to any of my friends and family... I`m sorry that you will be getting frequent glimpses of my left cheek... but I have never had such a whomping bruise in my life! They say you loose all your modesty in pregnancy anyways......
of course... pictures to come soon..
To follow up from the last post-- excitement of finding out boy or girl? Well that didn't happen for a couple of reasons. You see, dad-to-be is a fisherman. This means that almost every aspect of our lives is dependent on the weather, providing no "set schedule" at any time. If the wind changes- so do our plans... sounds a little tricky-- but I'm getting used to it.
Well-- the wind changed-- and instead of making the trip to the city to meet me for our much anticipated ultrasound, another workday on the water was soon to take its place ( with only 5 weeks left of spring fishing--- missing one good day on the water is a major no-no). But since this ultrasound is special... not going together is also a major no-no.
Because I had just finished some orientation at the same hospital, it was easy for me to pull some strings to change my apt to a day earlier so that "daddy" could be there. But then the ultrasound tech informed me that my doc had scheduled my appointment a little too early... so it would be best to wait a week and come back.
Ahhh... it seems soo far away. I can't stand waiting! I just want to see a little profile staring at the screen. PATIENCE...
So back to the Island I came... with 2 ultrasound appointments booked instead of one ... just in case the weather decides to play games again.
Oh life with a Lobsterman ;) I have always loved this song.. especially the first part... haha
Monday, 14 May 2012
Well, the end of this week cannot come quick enough.... forget the new job orientation I am going to start tomorrow... what I'm really excited for comes on Friday. Our 18 week ultrasound. I love surprises! but I am also a recovering "peeker" about to relapse. Peekers love being surprised... but if they find out one is coming their way-- it is next to impossible not to explore it just a "little" bit more due to the excitement. So, as you probably gathered... we definitely want to find out the sex of the baby. I know that baby will also need to cooperate- so hopefully it hasn't picked up either of its parents suborn traits just yet.
We have both said the moment that we found out, that we felt we were having a baby girl. I feel like I am having a girl. But as cliche as it sounds... all we really want is a healthy baby ( hmm... I think I finally really understand why everyone always says that..its weird how much you worry about the little being already)
According to the Chinese gender predictor chart- I am lined up for a girl. 27 years old, conceived in January ( what?... it was a long winter.. what else do you do on a snow day) .
We figure that if there are any cultures that have worked out how to predict the sex of the baby... the Chinese are probably a pretty good bet ( no need to get into controversial political discussion here though).. So with years of ancient wisdom behind it, the chart has proved right for almost everyone in our families that we tested the theory on.... Guess we will see!
Oh... and of course we tried the needle on thread trick. The result? You guessed it. Giant circles- which apparently also points to a baby girl.
Either way...A little girl or a little boy with be equally as special!~ I think we will both just be a little more surprised if it is a boy, after all of our scientific gender research we have been conducting around the house.
Hurry up Friday!
Sunday, 13 May 2012
It all happened ( of course) in the midst of morning rounds while I was working a shift at the hospital. The doctors and I were in a very serious conversion regarding end of life care and other important patient related information, when all of a sudden... I felt a quick foreign sensation in my lower abdomen. "Oh my god!", I exclaimed in a loud, surprised voice, with one hand on my belly. (For any of you who are familiar with working in a hospital... anyone shouting anything-- especially in a loud, surprised tone... will turn the heads of anyone in the vicinity.) Both male doctors stared at me wide-eyed for what would come next...
"I think I just felt something move in my belly"!? ...Smiling ear to ear, half questioning if it could be true.
Of course after that I had a little explaining to do so that they would understand that I was in fact "alright', and it was just the first time I had experienced such a thing.... hence the disregard for the conversations and world around me for that brief moment in time.
I tried to shake it off and just get back to serious-faced business as usual. ummm.. Impossible. As I went about my day, anytime I had a spare moment... I found myself waiting, concentrating, and smiling to myself.. hoping what I felt was real. and that the feeling would come back again. Actually, I still find myself doing it multiple times throughout the day.
Although it was a slightly awkward situation and probably less then perfect timing for my little roo to test out the karate chop... it was magical.
I'm getting excited to see our next ultrasound, and praying that we will get good news of a healthy, growing baby. And I'm also hoping that they send out a little wave! or maybe even a little peace sign ;) for the camera.
Wednesday, 9 May 2012
All of a sudden everyone wants to tell me all about their pregnancies and deliveries... right down to every last graphic detail. Every mom that shares their story also does it with the same excited glow... like they are reliving that moment in their life. Sound interesting to you? Well unless you are ALSO pregnant... probably not.
But me? I am all of a sudden very intrigued by all of the juicy gestational gossip. In fact, I quite enjoy hearing everyones story. Its a tad overwhelming... but comforting and enjoyable none the less.
You had how many stitches??!... Well- maybe I don't enjoy hearing that.
So it feels like I have been vitoed in to the motherhood club... or at the the pregnancy club. It has definitely opened me up to a world of conversations and getting to know people in a way I probably wouldn't have before... which is something that I really appreciate. Everyone is also really excited to share all of the their pregnancy literature, secret remedies, and old baby paraphernalia--- its fantastic. Long gone are the days of taking a 2 hr trip just to purchase a prego magazine- I have a large enough stash to get me through the next 5 mths and more! ( the things that excite me now.. oh dear ... does this mean that eventually most of my facebook status updates will revolve around first words, spit-up, cute pictures and potty training? ).... noooooo! haha
Sunday, 6 May 2012
So after another night out with friends, sipping on water and trying not to let my belly hang out... We thought it was finally time to come out of hiding. I knew after last night... Filling my glass with water every time I hit the bathroom( which was close to 10 times in just 2 hrs), and subtley trying to unsnap the top button of my jeans while dancing away to the music.....that I had reached my secretive limit.
After all, at 16 weeks, its getting a little tricky to deny....
With some inspiration from pinterest, we posted a quick picture to Facebook that spoke for itself.... And so far has had really good results at spreading the word... Without using any ;)
Tuesday, 1 May 2012
It can strike at any time. In the middle of triaging a patient; while everyone is eating dinner; walking down the hallway, standing in line at the grocery store.... during "intimate" moments. It has no shame.
Fancy clothes & a dinner date doesn't intimate the ugly Gremlin.
I am becoming a walking billboard for the saying " You can dress her up.. but can't take her out". Ahhheeeggghhhkk! .....haha...excuse me!